Tomorrow, as it's been said, is only a day away. And tomorrow's tomorrow, when it becomes the present, presents a bountiful array of enticing presents to fans gracing Minor League ballparks with their presence.

Wishing to continue my reign as a preeminent prescient promotional prognosticator, I now present this truncated list of just what, exactly, is taking place tomorrow. Taken in toto, it serves to illuminate the the voluminous vitality of the Minor League landscape.

I know many of you would like to punch me in the face after reading the above two paragraphs, but you can't. I'm light years away, and ensconced in bubble wrap. 

To the list!

Hank Conger Bobblehead Giveaway (Arkansas Travelers) -- In honor of the switch-hitting backstop who suited up for the team in '08 and '09.

William Seward Bobblehead Giveaway (Auburn Doubledays) -- In honor of New Yorkstate's 12tgh governor, who suited up for the commonwealth from 1839-1842. He later served as Secretary of State under Abraham Lincoln. Now he's a bobblehead.

Three World Record Attempts (Bowie Baysox) -- As detailed in this week's "Promotion Preview" column, the Baysox are attempting to reach new heights in the categories of "Most People Sitting on a Whoopee Cushion", "Most People Doing 'The Twist'", and "Most People Engaged in Simultaneous Air Guitar."

Farmer Axle Bobblehead (Bowling Green Hot Rods) -- It's "Agriculture Night" in Bowling Green, hence a giveaway featuring a tractor-driving mascot.

Lumberstock (Clinton LumberKings) -- An all-day festival featuring live music, cornhole tournaments, and plenty of food and drink. "Wood"n't you like to go?

Retro Jersey Giveaway (Corpus Christi Hooks) -- An inimitable item mimicking the '80s incarnation of parent club the Houston Astros.

Ryan Dempster Theme Jersey Auction (Daytona Cubs) -- Proceeds benefit the Ryan and Jenny Dempster Family Foundation.

Buster Posey Bobblehead (Fresno Grizzlies) -- If you want one of these then you better Buster move to Chukchansi Park.

Jimmy Hart Appearance (Lexington Legends) -- The "Mouth of the South" attempts to devour Applebee's Park.

Ladies Night w/ Rafe Hernandez (Mahoning Valley Scrappers) -- The "Days of Our Lives" star visits Eastman Field, delighting fans with hourglass figures.

Jacoby Ellsbury Bobblehead (Pawtucket Red Sox) -- Free to the first 4000 fans age 14 and under. Or at least those, like Ellsbury, who can pass for 14.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Jerry Lawler Appearance (Richmond Flying Squirrels) -- Because two legendary grapplers are always better than one, unless they gang up on you.

A few odds and ends before closing up shop:

-- A new "Farm's Almanac" feature is up now, about the Frederick Keys' "Volt Night" and executive chefs in Minor League Baseball. "Volt Night", in which Top Chef's Bryan Voltaggio manned a concession stand, was a huge hit in Frederick (attracting a near-sellout crowd on a Tuesday night). The Baltimore Sun ran an excellent recap and photo gallery of the event.

 

-- For sheer wordplay lunacy, it will be hard to top the Huntsville Stars' September 6 promotion. The game will be preceded by the "Okra Win-Free Labor Day Marathon". 103 people will split the duties of running the race (no one will "win", see?) and okra will be a side dish in the steak dinner following the race. Plus, an invitation has been extended to Oprah Winfrey, who once ran a marathon. The entire event should be soundtracked by THIS.

-- Finally, from the "Why Didn't I Think of That" department, the Lancaster JetHawks have passed along word that they're planning a "90210 Night" promotion for September 2. Get it? 9/02/10. It's been right there in front of us, all along.

benjamin.hill@mlb.com
twitter.com/bensbiz

At this moment in space and time I am more or less "caught up" in my blogging duties. This is a good thing, but I can't shake the nagging suspicion that I'm missing something.

Because there's always something, isn't there?

Before getting weighed down by the contemplation of such abstract notions, I wanted to share some odds, ends, bits, pieces, and nuggets that I have accumulated in recent days. Oh, there's some ephemera in here too. Can't forget the ephemera.

Let's start off with something visually striking.


 
The above item, designed by the bobble visionaries at Coyote Promotions, is being given away by the Brooklyn Cyclones on August 2. As you may have noticed, it is upside down. Therefore, it is Ike's legs that bobble while his head remains stationary.

This object is also unique in that it commemorates a player's Major League feat (Ike's dazzling trifecta of foul territory catches) while said player is in a Minor League uniform (the Cyclones, whom Ike played for in 2008). The Cyclones are literally re-writing history, then, putting the events of 2010 within a 2008 context. This bit of space-time continuum trickery results in cognitive disconnect, a common ailment in the world of Minor League Baseball promotions.

For instance, the Binghamton Mets are staging a "Big Lebowski" promo next week. But playing the role of Jesus Quintana is none other than Bingo the Bee.

Deal with it:
 


Meanwhile, in Lake County, the Captains held their annual star-studded "Cleveland Sports History Night." As this video shows, the team was actually able to find a sponsor for a re-enactment of one of the worst moments in the city's long and sad sports history.
 


I was going to expound further about the above video, but my Google image search for "Art Modell" also turned up naked "art models" and I fear that I will soon be fired as a result of this inadvertent breach of internet usage policy.

Let's quickly proceed to Trenton then, as last night the Thunder staged "Irish Heritage Night" AND a "Mustache Bash."

On the Irish side of the equation:
 
 

The mustache side:

Last week, I wrote an article and blog post detailing my first day at Keystone Mascot Camp. I promised to provide a sequel to both of these missives, and I am nothing if not a man of my word.

The Mascot Camp Part II article can be found HERE. And the blog post is, of course, here. As in where you are right now. How convenient.

Before getting into Saturday's game-day mascot experience, I figured I'd do well to share a few more pictures from camp.

 

 Practicing the Dance Routine, set to "The Twist" (Fat Boys and Chubby Checker, 1988):

Minor League Baseball promotions are nothing if not timely, and one would be hard-pressed to find one timelier than what's going down in Fresno tonight. 

In 2004, the Brevard County Manatees staged a "Car Survivor" contest. Five people got into a car, and six days and 23 hours later only one person remained. That person won the automobile.

Car Survivor II is now being staged in Huntsville, right outside of the Stars' Joe Davis Stadium. The sequel, a joint effort between the Stars and Jerry Damson Honda, has just surpassed the original. Despite searing Alabama heat, lack of sleep, and limited personal hygiene opportunities, two contestants have managed to stay in the car for a full week.

Mr. Daniel Rice, 28:

 

Mr. Jeremy Hatley, 18:

 

These two have a lot more legroom these days, as three of the initial five contestants have left the automobile. One of these individuals was fan favorite MJ Gillikin:


But Gillikin was driven out of the automobile by Hatley and Rice, who kept her awake through a series of sleep-depriving maneuvers (anything from tapping on the hood of the car to loud sing-a-longs).

The Machiavellian maneuverings seem to have come to an end, as Hatley and Rice are at a standstill. Anyone wishing to see what the duo are up to can check out the streaming Car Survivor audio and video located HERE. It's oddly compelling viewing. When I last checked in, the contestants were in the midst of a discussion about eating maggots. Then they were interviewed by a local TV news station. 

Hatley says he doesn't have anywhere to be until his freshman year of college begins in the fall. Rice has a job and is married, but has the full support of his employer and spouse.
 


The contestants do receive some time out of the car, however. To do otherwise would be uncivilized. From the rules:

Every six hours, the contestants will get a 15-minute break. They can use the restroom, freshen up, grab a bite to eat, get a drink, stretch, etc. Each contestant must drink 128 ounces of water, soda, lemonade, coffee (or any other liquid they prefer) every 24 hours. If they fail to drink one gallon in those 24 hours, they are automatically eliminated.

At this point, the contestants aren't the only ones who are worn out. The Stars' front office staff has been working three hour "car guarding" shifts, including such unsavory time slots as 3-6 a.m.

"I'm bringing some classic-rock, two liter soda bottles, and No-Doz next time I'm out there [by the car]," said Rogers, who previously staged Car Survivor in Brevard County. "I'm going to be looking at those guys like, 'You're never getting these days back, you know that?'"

Perhaps Hatley and Rice will reach a compromise, but by now there may be too much at stake. In addition to winning the car (a 2004 Honda LX valued at $15,500, NOT the one they are currently sitting in), local businesses have contributed to a prize package that includes window tinting, the installation of a dvd player, a 55" inch TV, jewelry, a $1000 gas card, and more.

A quick resolution to this now-interminable affair seems unlikely. With that being the case, Rogers has just one request.

"Our ratings are down, those guys are just sitting there!," he said. "Do something stupid in there!"

benjamin.hill@mlb.com
twitter.com/bensbiz

I've been playing catch-up this week, hearkening me back to my days as a featured performer at the Condiment Theater.

This is because baseball, quite inconsiderately, doesn't take a day off. So while I was on the road cranking out articles, blog posts, Promo Preview columns, and frivolous contest introductions, the emails kept coming in alerting me to items that may be worthy of coverage.

Allow me to now present to you, the reader, some of these items. I'll start with the most narcissistic, a 42-second video commemorating my stint as "The Apprentice...Of the Crazy Hot Dog Vendor."



With that out of the way, let's proceed to last night's promotion in Akron. The Aeros held "Ship Out LeBron Night", in which fans were asked to donate unwanted LeBron James apparel in exchange for free tickets.

As you can see, quite a few fans took the team up on its offer. As soon as Orbit is done playing around, these items will be donated to an international relief organization.

 





As part of the promotion, the Spinners rolled out the "Bubblewrap Dance Floor." To celebrate 50 years of bubblewrap, 50-year-olds were invited onto the field to dance to 50 cent.



An even more Rainman-esque aspect of the promotion was that the 50th fan in attendance would get a year's supply of popcorn if the 50th out of the game occurred via pop out. It did, and one lucky fan took home a vast collection of kernels (Spinners media relations director Jon Boswell writes that, keeping in the spirit of the promotion, "He'll have to do the popping himself!")

The Spinners' Bubble Wrap extravaganza was in last week's "Promotion Preview" column. This week's includes the following two top-quality items.

Torii Hunter Bobble-Arm in Orem

 

Skipper Leg Lamp in Lake County



I wish that the above item was being given away as part of a "Salute to Hallucinogenic Fever Dreams" promo, but there's actually a story behind it. See, the Captains are staging "Christmas In July", and "A Christmas Story" was filmed in nearby Cleveland. Hence, a giveaway featuring a Minor League twist on one of the movie's most memorable scenes.

And speaking of the Captains, you may recall that one of the team's biggest fans comes to nearly every game dressed like Waldo. Recently, this horizontally-striped standout took his act to Cleveland:



Certainly a Waldo this ambitious is worthy of your Facebook fandom. Perhaps I can even score an exclusive interview one of these days.

Also worthy of your Facebook fandom is the fourth annual Minors Moniker Madness, which seeks to determine the best name in the Minors (MMM can also be followed on Twitter).

This year's contest is shaping up to be the best yet, as teams have mounted homegrown promotional campaigns in support of their players. Here's one of the best efforts I've seen thus far:



Finally, you may have noticed that the Charleston RiverDogs and Hickory Crawdads have recently been the recipients of some big-time exposure:



Perhaps I'll receive some big-time exposure one of these days. Until then, I'll be staring at a computer screen in search of a clever closing sentence that never comes.

benjamin.hill@mlb.com
twitter.com/bensbiz

The sixth and final stop on my most recent road trip was Harrisburg's Metro Bank Park, a facility that has been almost entirely remodeled over the past two seasons. The $45 million dollar renovation transformed the ballpark from this:

 

 To this:



On Saturday I was there as a mascot, an experience that will be detailed in a post and article later this week. The following afternoon, I had the chance to check things out sans body pod and vision-impairing fake head. Needless to say, it was an entirely different (and far more comfortable) perspective.

I arrived early and met gm Randy Whitaker for a pre-game tour of the facility. One of the first things we checked out were the suites that ring the top edge of the grandstand seating area.

The view from the front:



The view from behind amply showcases the Susquehanna River and Harrisburg skyline:

 

And the view inside:



In order to provide the best possible view from the suites, the outdoor press box was nudged to the right ("TV and radio are great, but they don't pay the bills," said Whitaker):



And then there's the Press Box Club. A $30 ticket includes a padded seat behind home plate and all-you-can-eat food in the bar and restaurant located directly behind the seating area.







While $30 tickets are pricey by Minor League standards, the food is excellent. Sunday's offerings included an omelet station, but I opted for breaded pork chops, string beans, and grits (!!!). It was some of the best food I've ever had in a Minor League ballpark (albeit not as memorable as a deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich) My photos of the food offerings at the Press Box Club were substandard, however, and deleted by third-party Ben's Biz Blog quality control arbiters.

And speaking of "sub"standard, the ground-level concourse area is ringed with submarine-style sliding doors designed to protect the stadium from flooding (Metro Bank Park is located on City Island, surrounded on all sides by the Susquehanna, and flooding is a legitimate concern):



That is one well-protected Women's Restroom!

But it's one thing to mention that the ballpark is located on an island, it's another thing to show it. With an hour to go before game time, I went outside to explore the area outside of the stadium.

The Walnut St. Bridge is located directly outside of the ballpark, commemorated with this relentlessly self-deprecating historical plaque:



Okay, we get it: it's old, closed to automobiles, heavily damaged, and known by a derogatory nickname. It's also a scenic way to get to and from the ballpark:

 

And while cars have been banned, horses are still welcome:


 
Upon arriving on the "mainland", one can see the ballpark from a different perspective:



I soon stumbled upon this statue, which houses a time capsule buried in conjunction with Harrisburg's 1960 centennial celebration:


 
Forgive this indulgence, but I was immensely charmed by the (poorly-maintained) plaque on the statue's base. It read:

Greetings to Future Harrisburgers!

In a shaft, directly beneath this monument in a metal cylinder is contained a documented history of Harrisburg from its early beginnings along with evidence of the way of life of our time.

It is our fervent hope that you will bring them to light during 2060 prior to your bicentennial celebrations, sort them out and again inter some of them along with your own for evaluation of future generations.

May God Guide Your Endeavors!

If anyone would like to accompany me to Harrisburg's bicentennial celebrations (I'll be 81 and hopefully still kicking) then please send an email. I'm serious -- it never hurts to plan ahead!

But anyway...I walked back to the ballpark across a far less pedestrian-friendly adjacent bridge, taking in the sight of yet more bridges:



Back on the island, overlooking the (limited) parking area:



Approaching the stadium, the atmosphere resembles an old-fashioned amusement park. There are train crossings, carriage rides, batting cages, and an arcade:




 
 

Like Brooks and Dunn, Abbot and Costello, or Jacoby and Meyers, mascots and Minor League Baseball have become inextricably intertwined with one another.

So much so that this very blog has become a defacto storehouse of mascot antics, bloopers, naming contests, weddings, and political campaigns. Since I write about mascots so much, I decided I needed to understand them better -- by becoming one.



The above picture was taken during my first day at Keystone Mascot Camp, which I attended in scenic Annville, PA from July 15-17. An article about that day can be found HERE, and there will be a "part 2" later in the week (including a report from tonight's Harrisburg Senators game, to be attended by all the campers in costume).

My character is Giorgio, who was later renamed "Bloggerman" by the camp staff. Here he is, in action, amongst several of his peers (that's the Harrisburg Senators' "Grrrounder" in the middle there).

And, yes, he's not wearing any pants (that situation has since been rectified).

 

The entirety of Major League Baseball had the day off on Wednesday, resulting in a dearth of Selig-approved action.

But the National Pastime never rests. The Triple-A All-Star Game confidently lept into the void, in the process becoming the day's premier baseball event. The contest, which pits the International and Pacific Coast Leagues against one another, was held at Coca-Cola Park in Lehigh Valley.

Unwilling to settle for the MLB Network telecast, I hopped into "my" car and drove a heroic distance (upwards of 35 miles) in order to witness the event live and in person.

Everything looked copacetic when I got there. Just another day at the ballpark:
 

 

The Triple-A All-Star Game takes place TONIGHT at Lehigh Valley's Coca-Cola Park, and the eyes of the baseball world will be fixated on this star-studded exhibition between the Pacific Coast and International Leagues.

The rosters are set and the participants have arrived, so just one thing remains to be determined: Which league has the better dancing grounds crew?

That oft-posited query will finally be answered tonight, as Fresno's "Drag Kings" and Lehigh Valley's "Dirt Dudes" are both raking the diamond in separate half-inning breaks.



The Drag Kings are flying in from Fresno for the occasion, and they are ready to assert their supremacy on hostile turf.

"This is a great honor four is and we're truly appreciative of the opportunity," said The Kid. "Not only do we get to represent Fresno and the PCL, but we get to show off what makes us the best and most original dancing grounds crew in baseball."

"It's often said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," added Silkee. "So, we consider ourselves sincerely flattered."

The Dirt Dudes could not be reached for comment, presumably because they were hard at work on their impeccably choreographed turf-tending routines.

benjamin.hill@mlb.com
twitter.com/bensbiz