Pay To Not Play

kinston-indians.gifDesperate times call for desperate measures.

The Kinston Indians‘ season-opening series against the Winston-Salem Warthogs were rained out, and neither team has played a game yet this season. This miserable situation has prompted Kinston GM Shari Massengill to make a highly unorthodox (and possibly illegal) guarantee.

If tonight’s game against the Frederick Keys is rained out, then one lucky ticketholder will win $5000 of broadcaster Chris Hemeyer’s salary.

“His [Hemeyer’s] professionalism, experience, talent, play-by-play skill and boyish good lucks make him an invaluable part of this organization,” said Massengill. “That being said, if we can’t get games in and revenue streams dry up, he will be the first member of the front office to be laid off. I mean, why do we need a broadcaster if we don’t have any games?”

Hemeyer is going along with Massengill’s plan, albeit reluctantly.

“I’m sure other bosses have asked their employees to do similar things,” said Hemeyer during yesterday morning’s hastily scheduled press conference. “But I’m sure if my great friends gathered here from the local media found out through their vast resources and unmonitored internet access that this was illegal, they would let me know immediately.”

According to, there is a 10% chance of precipitation in Kinston tonight. For Hemeyer’s sake, let’s hope that the game is played.

Also Tonight: Dime-A-Degree Night (Altoona Curve), The Writers Strike Back (Charleston RiverDogs), Shawon Dunston Jersey Night (Iowa Cubs)

Hey, What’d I Miss? (Yesterday’s Promos): Slinky Giveaway (Greensboro Grasshoppers), Mitten Giveaway (Iowa Cubs), Little Legend of 2008 (Lexington Legends), Family Guy Night (Wilmington Blue Rocks), Fingerless Gloves Giveaway (Wisconsin Timber Rattlers)

Also: New Promotion Preview Column Up Now!

And Finally — Parker Update: On Friday, I wrote about Fresno Grizzlies‘ mascot Parker, Grizzlies_Over_Stadium.jpgwho had threatened to boycott Opening Day if the Grizzlies did not sell out Friday’s Home Opener. Parker is serious about the threat, and has since left the team due to “reconcilable differences.”  He is now spending his time on the roof of the nearby Security Bank Building, which gives him a birds-eye view of the Grizzlies Chukchansi Park. Presumably, he will come down from his perch if the Grizzlies do indeed “Pack the Park” on Friday night. Stay tuned…

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