The Somewhat Amazing Race
Who would win in a race between a kitten, a flea, and an armadillo?
This question, which has plagued mankind since the beginning of time, is now being answered on a nightly basis at Toledo’s Fifth Third Field. Last month, the Mud Hens instituted “Racing With the Stars”, which pits three costumed celebrity parodies against one another in an all-out battle for mascot supremacy. Let’s take a look at the three competitors, who are all inspired by notable Toledo natives:
Mud Hens Director of Public Relations Jason Griffin reports that, thus far, 17 races have been staged. Kitty Holmes has won eight, Jamie Farmadillo has won five, and Jim Flealand has won four. However, one of Flealand’s victories came with none other than Jim Leyland in attendance. Look!
Seeing as how Jamie Farr is a regular attendee at Mud Hens games, it will most likely only be a matter of time before he meets Jamie Farrmadillo. Far less likely is Katie and Kitty Holmes being spotted at the ballpark together, as no less a Scientology authority than L. Ron Hubbard has stated that appearing in the presence of a costumed parody of yourself can toxify the spirit and prevent attainment of the state of Operating Thetan.
Regardless, the “Racing With the Stars” series is off to a rousing start, and it will be interesting to see whether Kitty can maintain her lead over Farrmadillo and Flealand as the season progresses.
If anyone is aware of other interesting mascot races currently taking place in the Minor Leagues, then please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. My livelihood depends on this.