New Dimensions, Old Obsessions
Last week the Fort Wayne TinCaps announced that their Opening Day entertainment would include 3D videoboard elements. This was an original idea, so I wrote a story about it. The team, in turn, sent me some TinCaps-branded glasses and 3D photos so that I could experience the phenomenon for myself. And I, in turn, posted a profile picture featuring myself wearing said glasses.
What I’m getting to (outside of another unintentional example of deeply-ingrained sycophancy) is that this has all spurred an idea. If you want your promo to be featured as part of the Ben’s Biz profile pic, then simply send along something that represents said promo to my NYC headquarters (address available upon request). If enough teams respond to this idea, then the profile pic can serve as an ever-changing representation of the latest in Minor League ridiculousness. The zeitgeist, if you will.
And the more ridiculous, the better. I’ll pose with just about anything.
To return to more typical content, there are two new prominent food items to share with ya’ll — dinner and dessert, weighing a combined 10.5 pounds. In the former category is the Tacoma Rainiers “Cheney 2×4 Burger”, which could give the legendary Fifth Third a run for its money:
According to the team, the above consists of: Four 1/2 pound patties stacked double high, eight slices of cheese, eight slices of bacon, eight slices of tomato, and a healthy serving of blue cheese coleslaw on top…all served on a one pound ciabatta loaf.
And for dessert? For that, we’ll return to the team that makes no concession concessions: the Akron Aeros. Today the team unveiled “The Screamer,” which is built on a one-pound chocolate brownie and includes 21 scoops of hand-dipped ice cream, four bananas, and covered with hot fudge sauce, whipped cream, and sprinkles, served in a full-size souvenir Aeros replica batting helmet.
Photographic evidence of this behemoth is currently scant, but here’s Aeros food and beverage director Jason Kerton posing with his latest creation. Memories await, indeed!
Those who regularly eat such items will soon find themselves needing a bypass, and fortunately Minor League Baseball offers that as well. Both the Lehigh Valley IronPigs and Richmond Flying Squirrels have recently announced that they will be offering Bypass Lane technology at the ballpark.
Here’s how it works, courtesy of the all-knowing entity that is the press release:
Through Bypass, fans are given the opportunity to view full food and drink menus of select concessions stands in the vicinity of their seats and are able to place orders by paying with a credit card using Bypass’ secure payment platform. When the order is ready for pickup, a text message is sent to the fan from the nearest Bypass Lane. Fans can then avoid the line by using the exclusive Bypass Lane at the designated pick-up areas located at the concession stands.
But that is just one of many innovations on offer. I don’t have the time to expand upon them now, but suffice to say I believe that Lehigh Valley is the first team to add whimsical pigtails to their parking spaces:
More like a porking space!
Please get in touch, readers. It’s the only thing that saves me from myself.