Sandwich, or Elaborate Metaphor for Hubristic Folly of Man?

After a banner 2011, things have been slow on the “Extreme Food” front this offseason. This is a negative when it comes to the amount of traffic that I am able to attract to this blog, but a positive when it comes to the dignity of the human race.

Today, let’s up the traffic and lower our dignity. For the Lake County Captains have unveiled a sea-faring monstrosity, the likes of which have been never seen before within the calorie-laden Minor League landscape. It’s the “Moby Dick,” boasting a heft quite similar to its novelistic counterpart.

Unlike the titular White Whale in Melville’s masterpiece, the Captains’ sandwich is easily attainable. For a mere $20, all of this can be yours:

The Captains’ “Moby Dick” press release was, disappointingly, free from rambling tangenital excursions serving to elucidate the inherently paradoxical nature of the human condition (and nary a Queequeg reference was to be found). But it did give the scoop on just what is contained in this thing:

The Moby Dick features a 15″ sesame seed hoagie roll, five quarter-pound fish filets, eight slices of cheese, six ounces of clam strips, one-third pound of French fries, one cup of cole slaw, all topped off by gobs of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and tartar sauce. The price for the sandwich is only $20.

 The final product weighs-in at over three pounds and feeds two fans uncomfortably or four fans comfortably. The sandwich, with over 4000 calories and a diet-killing 200 grams of fat, will be available in select locations throughout Classic Park at all Captains home games.

Baleen Cuisine?

Individual fans will have the opportunity to take the Moby Dick Challenge and attempt to consume a single Moby Dick sandwich in less than one hour by themselves. Fans wishing to attempt this feat will do so while seated in the Moby Dick Challenge Chair located on the main concourse at Classic Park.

 If they are successful, the fans who take part in the Challenge will receive a commemorative t-shirt that they can wear with pride and their photo will be placed on the Champion Eaters bulletin board at Classic Park.

So what are YOUR thoughts on this near-mythical concoction? Tasty ballpark treat, sure sign of the apocalypse, or both?

Either way, I laud the Captains (or “Ahabs”, in this case) for referencing one of the greatest books of all time. My feelings upon completing this blog post are similar to sentiments expressed by Ishmael, after he took a few moments to write out a rough draft of his will:

“I looked round me tranquilly and contentedly, like a quiet ghost with a clean conscience sitting inside the bars of a snug family vault.”

The greatest simile of all time?

benjamin.hill@mlb.com

twitter.com/bensbiz

9 Comments

Pingback: The ocean called, they’re running out of seafood: team introduces Moby Dick Fish Sandwich | Off the Bench

think this is crazy i would try it if it wasnt for the clam strips and the price.

All that for a t-shirt? I will pass!

Does this mean you will die when you accomplish your goal?

Possibly, but it will be with the satisfaction of a life well-lived.

” If they are successful, the fans who take part in the Challenge will receive a commemorative t-shirt that they can wear with pride”

I hope they’ve stocked up on XXXXL t-shirts.

XXXXL is the new XXL.

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