An October of Terror in the Minor Leagues

During the baseball season, terror at theballpark usually comes in the form of inedible concessions and disgusting displays of public affection on the Kiss Cam. It is not something that anyone willingly seeks out.

In the month of October, however, all the rules are changed. In an admirable effort to keep the turnstiles hopping (buzzing? whirring?) even after all the players have gone home, Minor League teams across the country are turning their cozy baseball digs into bona fide houses of horror. Here’s a look at some Halloween-themed events taking place throughout the Minors:

Lake Elsinore Storm “Haunted Stadium” – The Storm already possess a moderately scary team name, and have one of the most eerie (and popular) logos in all of pro sports. So, it comes as no surprise that the club is now inviting fans to visit “The Haunted Stadium” (opening tonight!). According to the team’s website, “The Haunted Stadium features live actors, loud noises, flashing lights and other scary elements designed to scare the ‘poo’ out of you”, and goes on to say that “our zombies and ghosts will not intentionally touch you.”

Well, of course they won’t. You’ve just had the poo scared out of you, and even the Undead think that’s disgusting.

Terror Park at Cooper Stadium (home of the
Columbus Clippers) – An extravaganza of horror so large that it warrants its own URL, Terror Park is back for its eighth season at Cooper Stadium. Whoever’s behind Terror Park is operating at a high level, as they claim they have the ability to “capture your fears” and then turn them loose throughout the stadium. But don’t fear, for the website later notes that “if someone in your group gets too frightened to continue, we’ll take them to child care where a Sheriff Deputy DARE Officer will supervise them”. Now, that wouldn’t be humiliating at all. Nope, not one bit.

“Black Beard’s Revenge: Curse of the Severed Head” at Prince George Stadium (home of the Bowie Baysox) – This is definitely one of the most elaborate frightfests occurring in the Minor Leagues, as the Baysox are actually offering three distinct Halloween shows. After coming face to face with the titular Severed Head, attendees are invited to tour the Haunted Hospital and then get lost in the Crazed Chain Maze. A twenty dollar bill gains attendees admission to all three attractions (which is fitting, as Andrew "Zombie" Jackson was the scariest President in U.S.history).

Durham Jaycees 35^th Annual Haunted House at Durham Bulls Athletic Park – Those wondering what horrors await them at the Durham Jaycees’ annual spooktacular are just going to have to show up at the ballpark and find out. The Bulls’ press release takes a purely philanthropic angle, and focuses solely on which charities will be benefiting. The Jaycees’ highest-grossing Haunted House ever occurred in 1994, when $32,000 was raised. I wonder if the fact that there were no baseball playoffs that season had anything to do with the record turnout. What else were the people of Durham going to do? Watch hockey?

Field of Screams at Salem Memorial Baseball Stadium (home of the Salem Avalanche) – As one can see from the accompanying picture, the Avalanche are a scary-looking team year-round. But in October they really do it up. According to the team’s press release, Field of Screams is “a journey through the Underworld that is the basement of Lewis-Gale Medical Center Field.” Attendees, who are referred to as “victims” in the press release, will have to navigate not only the Maze to the Underworld, but also the Graveyard, the Endless Hallway, and the Vortex Tunnel. Good luck with all that, victims.

If anyone is aware of any other  haunted houses taking place in the Minor Leagues, or has attended one of the above attractions, then please don't hesitate to get in touch.