My constant bloviating about Minor League Baseball promotions and operations often leads to some fairly long posts. But sometimes, less is more.

Take, for example, this brilliant headline (located on the MiLB.com press release page):

"Curve Puts Off Procrastination Night"

Well, you can't say it was hard to see that one coming. Here's hoping the Curve continue to mine comedic gold from this promotion. In a perfect world, it would always be on the cusp of taking place, but would never actually happen.

Sort of like a Philadelphia sports team winning a championship.

The Lake County Captains may not be the first team team in Minor League history to stage a "Free Funeral Giveaway", but they are the most recent. And in this "now"-obsessed culture in which we live, that counts for a lot.

The Captains first announced this outlandish (and somewhat macabre) promotion earlier this week, and have already generated a veritable coffin-load of publicity as a result. Perhaps most notably, the stunt inspired a local radio DJ to write a song about it.

The DJ in question was "Mike", of WNCX's morning show. With occasional help from his co-hosts Mud and Mihalik, Mike made his way through a ninety-second blues ditty that celebrated the Captains' decision to give away a free funeral.

Thanks to the kindness of Captains Promotions Manager Jonathan Levey, I was able to hear an audio clip of this soon-to-be-immortal piece of work. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to imbed an audio link on this here blog, so I did the next best thing. Out of the kindness of my heart, I transcribed the lyrics for my loyal readers. Prepare to be amazed:

Let's Hear It For the Captains, What More Can I Say?
These Guys Know How to Put the "Give" in "Giveaway"
But Now Bobbleheads and Tote Bags and T-Shirts Are Passe
So the Captains Have Got a Promo That'll Put You In Your Grave

They're Giving Away a Funeral, They're Giving the Casket, Too
And Without A Service Charge (Funeral Service Charge, Get It?)
They Throw in A Limo Ride, Too, And the Crew
Oh, Those Clever Captains, This Giveaway Is Gonna Fly
Because All You Have to Do is Win it All, Then...DIE!

So C'Mon All You Deadheads - Be Joyful, Don't Be Grave
C'Mon Out to Eastlake Where the Zombies All Behave
We Ain't Givin' Away a Tomb or a Marble Creation Urn
Or Telling You Where You Might End Up -- With Angel Wings, Or If You'll Burn

C'mon and See the Captains, Where the Excitement is Quite Drastic
You Can See the Game, Eat A Dog, And Go Home In A Casket (2x)

I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed typing it out on Microsoft Word, cutting and pasting it into the blog, and changing the text to italics.

If anyone out there in this magnificent land of ours is aware of any other songs in the "Radio DJs Singing About Minor League Promotions" genre then please get in touch immediately -- milbbusiness@yahoo.com

The New York Penn League's Tri-Cities ValleyCats haven't even begun their 2008 campaign, but they've certainly set themselves up to have a good one.

Astute readers of this fine blog will recall that the club prides itself on one of the more consistently surreal game presentations in the Minors, and that their 2008 promo schedule is highlighted by mayoral bobbleheads. And now, comes this:

TROY SUMMER STICKBALL TOURNAMENT ANNOUNCED

TROY, NY - Stickball is returning to the city streets this summer.  An estimated fifty teams of six players each will participate in a September tournament, with all proceeds going to charity.  "We are taking a game that people played in this neighborhood growing up and bringing back this recreation to raise funds for youth programs in Troy," said Rocco DeFazio, founder of the Friends of Little Italy.

This is a great idea, and makes me wish that I lived close enough to the Tri-Cities area to be able to participate in this tournament. I am also heartened by the fact that the tournament's spokesman is named "Rocco DeFazio". That sounds like the sort of guy whose association with stickball goes back to the days of the Brooklyn Dodgers (that's a lazy assumption, yes, but lazy assumptions make life a whole lot easier).

Want some more details?

The sport of stickball, which is most popular in Northeastern urban centers, is played using a broom handle that acts as a "bat" and a rubber ball, sometimes referred to as a "spaldeen", or "pinky"...On September 12, the stickball tournament will commence. Two days later, a champion will be crowned.  Teams will participate in a double-elimination contest that will take place throughout several sites in the downtown area with the Troy Marketplace in Little Italy serving as the event's "home field."

Here's hoping that this tournament becomes an annual tradition. In this day of Xbox, DirecTV, iPods and other time-consuming and grammatically-challenged technological innovations, it is often necessary to take a step back in time in order to be reminded as to why we all fell in love with baseball in the first place.

A broom handle and rubber ball > playing MLB 2008 on your mobile phone.   

Thanks to this week's Promotion Preview column, I'm sure that all of my readers are now aware of Sunday's Pat Sajak Bobblehead giveaway in Bowie.

Not only will 1,250 fortunate individuals receive an undulating trinket bearing the likeness of the iconic game show host, but the man himself will be in attendance to sign autographs and pose for pictures. Suffice to say, this will be a memorable day at the Baysox's excellently-named Prince George Stadium.

Now, Bowie's "Pat Sajak Day" certainly fills the Minor Leagues' "Wheel of Fortune"-promotions quota for the season. But, thanks to the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, that quota will instead be exceeded.

The Pelicans are hosting the Carolina vs. California League All-Star Game on June 24, and the guest of honor will be "Wheel of Fortune" co-host Vanna White (a North Myrtle Beach native). Ms. White will be ushered onto the field in a classic automobile, and will then deliver the ceremonial first pitch with the sort of precision and professionalism that has characterized her 25-year-run as the world's greatest letter-turner.

So, to summarize, that's two "Wheel of Fortune"-related promotions taking place within a one-month span. Future generations of Minor League Baseball fans will one day look back upon this confluence of events and wish that they could only be so lucky.

The World's Greatest Country Band That Writes Exclusively About Minor League Baseball -- To those fine souls who visit this blog directly each day, please take a moment to check out my article on music sensations Stache and Hawk. The duo is compromised of friends and former teammates Derin McMains and Jake Wald, and their songs detail the Minor League experience with humor and intelligence.

Well, that'll be all for me.Have a good weekend, everybody.

One of the many highlights of the Lakewood Blueclaws' promotional schedule this season was June 8's Cameron Mathison appearance. The All My Children actor and Dancing With the Stars contestant was slated to sign autographs throughout the evening at FirstEnergy Park, and there is no doubt that dozens (perhaps scores) of people throughout Lakewood were eagerly anticipating his arrival.

But then tragedy struck.

Mathison canceled his appearance, due to new obligations with The Style Network (more like "The Promotion-Ruining Network", if you ask me). A collective dejected sigh emanated from the people of Lakewood when they heard this heart-breaking news.

Not like its much of a consolation, but the BlueClaws claim that Mathison is "devastated" by the the fact that he had to cancel.

"I really do apologize for what has happened with this appearance, as it is not typical of how I am," he said. "My hands are tied and it is extremely frustrating."

Now, here's where this story takes a positive turn. First, Mathison has sent the club an All My Children script, autographed by the entire cast. This fine piece of soap memorabilia will be awarded to a randomly selected fan during the game on June 8.

Even better, the quick-acting BlueClaws have found a replacement for Mathison! Jason Thompson (General Hospital's Dr. Patrick Drake) is now the guest of honor. The alluring TV star will throw out the first pitch, and then sign autographs and pose for pictures for the following two hours.

Congratulations to the BlueClaws, who, upon being handed a lemon, made a sweet, sweet glass of lemonade. All is well with the world once again.


 

Last Thursday, I provided a detailed write-up on the Fresno Grizzlies' "Totally Rad 80s Night." Given the extent of my coverage, I feel I would be remiss in my duties if I did not provide a quick postmortem on the memorable promotion.

According to my biased source (Grizzlies Media Relations Director Paul Kennedy), the club drew their best "Thirsty Thursday" crowd of the year for the event, and guest of honor Billy Zabka "signed autographs for what seemed like forever."

At one point in the evening, a "Zabka on Zabka" trivia contest was held, in which Billy attempted to answer questions about himself. I'm not sure how he fared in this contest, but at the very least he couldn't make the excuse that he was unfamiliar with the subject.

Here's a shot of Billy Z. putting pen to paper (note the "crane kick" poster in the background):



And here's one of him warming up in the batting cages under the patient supervision of second baseman Travis Denker:

  

A detailed (read:imagined) analysis of my blog stats has revealed that the vast majority of my readers hail from either Rancho Cucamonga, California, or the Quad Cities region of Iowa and Illinois.

Therefore, it is my duty to highlight the Minor League entertainment options that these respective regions are offering on Saturday.

In Rancho Cucamonga, the Quakes will be staging their long-awaited "American Gladiators Night." I already gave a brief rundown of the event in this week's Promotion Preview column. Let's take a look:

"On Saturday, the Quakes will tap into our country's alleged Gladiator-mania by paying tribute to the show all evening long. The club will take the field in special "American Gladiator"-themed jerseys, and all of the between-inning contests will be modeled after events from the show (including a post-game "Eliminator" round). Best of all, Zap will be in attendance. One of the show's original Gladiators, Zap will be on hand to pose for pictures, sign autographs and terrorize her adversaries with a tennis-ball gun."

In regards to the "between-inning contests that will be modeled after events from the show", well, let's take a deeper look at some details from the press release:

Power Ball: In this twist on the classic game, our Gladiators Tremor and Aftershock (the club's mascots) will each defend, while our two contestants will try and fill up their respective bins with as many balls as they can.

Joust: One Gladiator, One Contestant, Two Jousting Sticks, a lot of fun. Each Contestant will try and knock off Tremor and Aftershock from the pedestal before Tremor and Aftershock can knock them off.

Regular readers of this blog are aware that I am an ardent supporter of the Fresno Grizzlies, a club which consistently "takes it to the next level" when it comes to promotions and game presentation. Take tonight's "Totally Rad 80s Night", for example. Whereas lesser franchises might simply don mullet wigs, play a few Culture Club songs, and call it a night, the Grizzlies have constructed an evening-long "Thirsty Thursday" extravaganza that is sure to be worth the price of admission.

Where to begin when talking about all of this? Well, that's easy -- at the end of the alphabet, because none other than Billy Zabka will be tonight's guest of honor. For those who need their memories refreshed, Zabka is the quintessential 80s movie bully, best known as the dastardly "Johnny Lawrence" in 1984's Karate Kid. Yesterday, I had the honor of talking with the man himself, and I now humbly present to you, the reader, a summary of my conversation with the inimitable Billy Z.

"We're Gonna Roll Like It's 1985!"

Zabka is nothing if not enthusiastic, as the above quote illustrates. One of the main reasons is that he has never done such a promotional appearance, and is therefore not viewing it as a cynical cash-in on a decades-old public persona.

"Sure, doing something like this is a bit of a double-edged sword," he said. "In a way, it's like if I had been a high school sports star, and everyone keeps talking about it. Like 'Hey, remember when you made that shot?' Well, yeah, I do, but that was a long time ago. But it's gotten to the point where this is all okay again. It's like seeing a girlfriend from 20 years ago, and realizing its alright to go out and get a cup of coffee with her."

Having made his point through a pair of analogies, Zabka proceeded to make clear his expectations for the evening.

"We're just going to have fun and have a good time with this. I'll come in on a motorcycle, wearing my jacket and headband, just like this was Recida! I'm going to throw out the first pitch, so I'm getting my arm warmed up now. I'll take part in some 80s trivia, say hi to some folks, and screen the music video."

Yes, the music video. Zabka recently directed "Sweep the Leg" by the band No More Kings. The video, not surprisingly, includes copious Karate Kid references as well as cameo appearances by Zabka and Ralph Macchio, among others.

"When I was first approached about this, I thought 'I'm not touching this one with a 10-foot pole,'" he recalled. "But I soon got to know the band and see the humor in what they were doing."

Perhaps one of the reasons that Zabka can now lampoon and celebrate his 80s persona is because he has found success with his more recent projects. Most notably, his short film "Most" was nominated for an Academy Award. An Oscar, for crying out loud! That's serious.

After requesting that I plug both the Sweep the Leg video and Most (done and done), the phone went dead. Zabka quickly called me back to say a proper goodbye, ending with the vague promise that when it comes to future nostalgia-driven projects, "there's more where that came from", but that he can't talk about it just yet. Then, in a fitting end to the conversation, he filled me in on his immediate plans for the future:

"I've got to head back to the gym and do some push-ups on my knuckles."

You do that, Billy Zabka. You do that.

Tonight's going to be a fun night in Fresno. Want further proof? How about these Garbage Pail-themed Grizzlies' player headshots?



Or this one of Justin "Hoff" Leone:



And let's not forget that there will be a Hair Metal Air Guitar cam scanning the crowd for virtuosos of the imaginary axe. Hopefully Skid Row, Warrant, and Great White will all be featured prominently.

When it comes to tonight's Totally Rad 80s Night Promotion, I don't say Fresno. I say Fres-Yes!

As any parent knows, choosing a name for your child can be a daunting task. With a virtually limitless array of potential monikers to be considered, it can be easy to get bogged down in a swamp of second-guessing and self-doubt.

Wouldn't this difficult decision be a whole lot easier if you were able to leave it up to a rowdy mob of strangers?

That is a rhetorical question, because of course the answer is yes. And that is just what will be happening in Altoona tonight, as Curve General Manager Jeff Garner and his wife, Karla, are giving fans the chance to name their forthcoming baby daughter.

In order to guard against the selection of a truly horrendous name, the couple have narrowed it down to just five choices: Lola, Jessica, Oliva, Kayla, and Ella.  Fans will be able to make their selection at the Blair County Ballpark customer service center throughout the evening.

If I was permitted to cast an absentee ballot, I would certainly choose Lola. Although even better would be if the Garners simply combined the first letter of each of the five names.

L-Joke is the greatest baby name imaginable.

Those of you who regularly peruse the content on MiLB.com will recall that the Charleston RiverDogs were featured in last week's "At Home With..." team profile column.

In said column, Assistant Director of Media Relations Danny Reed explained how the team's operating principle is "Fun Is Good." That's not just some meaningless slogan -- the RiverDogs really believe in this concept. For instance, check out the specifics of the club's upcoming "Fun is Good" charity golf tournament:

"Beginning with a 1 pm shotgun start, the four-man Captain's Choice format will feature the traditional RiverDogs twist for nine holes with "Fun Is Good" being the theme and the other nine holes will adhere to the "serious and competitive" side of golf. 

During the RiverDogs' "Fun Is Good" nine holes, there will be opportunities like placing the golf ball in a sling shot on the tee box to serve as a drive, using a bat as a putter, dressing in drag and hitting at kegs in the fairway to win free beer.

Prizes will be provided for first, second and third places, and in typical RiverDogs fashion, there will be prizes (like a goldfish, a block of ice, a can of spam or a watermelon) for last place."

As someone who has always dreamed of being rewarded with a watermelon in recognition of my cross-dressing golfing abilites, this tournament speaks to me on a very deep level. Read more about it here, and while you're on the RiverDogs website, be sure to check out this blow-by-blow account on the day in the life of a Minor League general manager.
 

Yesterday was a momentous and historic day for Squeeze, the young mascot of the Florida State League's Vero Beach Devil Rays. The anthropomorphic grapefruit made his national TV debut on ESPN's Mike and Mike In the Morning radio show!

Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that a miniature facsimile of Squeeze made its national television debut. But that's got to count for something, right?

Right? Who let all these crickets in the room?

Here's what happened:

"The mascot's bobblehead likeness was sent to the Mike and Mike show by longtime Vero Beach stadium announcer Joe Sanchez. The Vero Beach Devil Rays staff had long discussed the possibility of sending a Squeeze bobblehead to the Mike and Mike show, but Sanchez made that dream a reality."

See, its the determination and drive of people like Sanchez that makes America one of the top three dozen or so countries in the world (just kidding, of course...it's the best). While his colleagues merely bantered about maybe one day sending a televised radio show a bobblehead mascot, Sanchez acted. And here is the result:



See that circle in the bottom right-hand corner? That's the Squeeze bobblehead. Florida's favorite citrus mascot has finally arrived, and its all thanks to the diligent work of Joe Sanchez. Squeeze agrees:

"It's really an honor," said Squeeze via telephone from his grapefruit grove home. "I really appreciate the folks at Mike and Mike making the effort to put my bobblehead doll on their desk to share with the world during the TV broadcast of their radio show. This is a big day for me, and I thank the people at Mike and Mike, as well as Joe Sanchez."

12-year-old David Whitthoft has recently received a veritable boatload of media attention due to the fact that he wore a Brett Favre Green Bay Packers jersey for 1,581 consecutive days -- a Guinness World Record. He voluntarily brought the streak to an end on his 12th birthday.

On August 30th, the Hudson Valley Renegades will pay tribute to Whitthoft's amazing accomplishment during their annual "NFL Night" promotion. The pre-teen Connecticut resident will be on hand to throw out the game's first pitch, and the club will retire his tattered #4 Favre jersey. Hopefully, Whitthoft will receive a Renegades jersey for his troubles, which he will then decide to wear until his high school graduation.

Meanwhile, the Green Bay Packers won't be retiring Favre's #4 jersey until September 8. Therefore, Packers fans who can't wait that long are urged to travel to Hudson Valley's Dutchess Stadium in order to witness this emotional and stirring ceremony. That's a 900-mile drive that's sure to be worth it.

Are you tired of the seemingly endless battle between Hilary and Obama, and how the fight for the Democrat presidential nomination has been reduced to a parade of meaningless snippets and soundbites? Do you long for the days when politics were covered with substance and style?

Well, the Brevard County Manatees have just the thing that you are looking for. On Thursday, they will take fans on a trip back in time -- all the way to that golden era of 2004. It's "I Have A Scream Night" at Space Coast Stadium, during which the club will pay tribute to Howard Dean's legendary presidential campaign. The details regarding this tribute are quite sparse, but the press release does go out of its way to reference Dean's epochal "scream" speech:

"Not only are the Manatees going to Daytona, they're going to Palm Beach and Jupiter and Vero Beach and St. Lucie. They're going to Clearwater and Tampa and Dunedin. Then they're going to Fort Myers and Sarasota and Lakeland, and they're coming back to Space Coast Stadium to take back the FSL championship... BYAH!"

If this promo caused you to do nothing more than utter a disinterested "byah", then perhaps what the club has in store the next evening is more up your alley. It's "Salute to Local Beers Night", and "of-age" fans will have the opportunity to sample beer, Brevard County style, over the course of the evening. Just don't drink too much, as this will cause you to go "BYAH!"

Okay, I've gotta go now. Until tomorrow, folks...

While putting together this week's "Promotion Preview" column, I became intrigued by the Lancaster JetHawks' "Big Poppy" bobblehead giveaway. This is far from a typical bobblehead. You see, it combines the Poppy (California's state flower) with "Big Papi" (Red Sox slugger David Ortiz).

I emailed JetHawks GM Brad Seymour for more information, and he provided the following. Brace yourself:

In last Tuesday's "Promotion Preview" column, I highlighted the following event:

Fort Myers Miracle (Florida State League)
"Mighty Gonzalez" Keg Lift Record, May 1
By day, David Gonzalez is an unassuming Taco Bell employee. But in the evening, he often morphs into his "Mighty Gonzalez" alter-ego. When channeling "Mighty," Gonzalez performs amazing feats of strength throughout the Fort Myers area, where he has gained notoriety for his ability to walk on glass and crush cinder blocks on his torso (don't try this at home, kids). At the Miracle's Hammond Stadium, Mighty Gonzalez will feed off the energy of an enthusiastic "Thirsty Thursday" crowd as he attempts to break the Guinness Book of World Record for full keg lifts. The current mark is 900 over a six-hour period, but Gonzalez is seeking to accomplish the feat over the course of just nine innings. I'll be rooting for you, Mighty. You can do it.

So, the big question at this point is "Did Mighty set the record?" And the answer is...YES! Gary Sharp, the Miracle's Promotions Director, was kind enough to provide me with the following information:

"[Gonzalez] did the full keg lift of 145 pounds 983 times. He dislocated his shoulder on lift 942 so the final 40+ were difficult. We had a great crowd watching him and I had him save the record breaker of 973 during a between-innings contest. Guinness Book of World Records has to go through the confirmation process, but according to us and him it's a world record."

Here's a photo of Mighty in action:



And here's another one:


 
Mighty's the man! According to my calculations, he lifted a total of 142,535 pounds over the course of the evening. That's over 15,000 gallons of beer!

When we last checked in with the Williamsport Crosscutters, they had just announced that this incredible individual would serve as their mascot for the 2008 season:

There are quite a few teams around the Minor Leagues that host local high school baseball tournaments, but leave it to the Lowell Spinners to take this simple activity to the next level.

In 2005, the club established the "Spinners World Series", a four-team tournament that is held at LaLacheur Park (this year's edition will take place from May 17-19). Undoubtedly, the most notable aspect of the Spinners World Series is that the winner takes home a three-foot bobble head trophy, featuring team mascot Canaligator.

Upon hearing of the existence of this truly awesome piece of hardware, I knew that I (and my legions of readers) had to get a look at this 36-inch specimen. I quickly got in touch with Spinners Media Relations Manager Jon Boswell, who graciously supplied the following: