When we last checked in with the Fort Myers Miracle, they had just instituted their "Cheaper By the Gallon" promotion. As part of this wide-ranging initiative, ticket prices and concession stand items were sold at the same price of a gallon of unleaded gasoline.

Apparently, this was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the Miracle's willingness to poke fun at our nation's transportation woes. Just yesterday, the club staged "Flight to Nowhere Night" at beautiful Hammond Stadium. 

Appropriate to this dystopian, post-modern age in which we live, "Flight to Nowhere Night" is perhaps best described as an "anti-promotion." The Miracle's goal for the evening was to bring the commercial airline experience to the ballpark. What did this entail? I believe the press release can answer that question!

"Passengers can begin boarding the Hammond Stadium seats at 6 p.m...You will be able to check your bag for a nominal fee, but we can't guarantee that your possessions won't be mishandled, lost, mangled or rummaged thru...Allow for extra time to enter Hammond Stadium. Everyone will be screened by our resident FIG (Fun Is Good) agents."

If you think it ends there, then you are not thinking very hard.

In the midst of a fiscal crisis caused by increasingly high fuel costs and bad economy, the Miracle will add additional fees to generate revenue on Thursday. Pocket schedules, normally free, will now cost $1 and aisle seats will cost an extra $2. Birthday announcements, participation in on-field games and singing of the 7th inning stretch will now come with a fee."

Want more? You got it:

"The Miracle does apologize in advance for seats that have been oversold and will accommodate anyone that is bumped. Box Seats will be considered first class and Reserved Grandstand seats will be coach. Cart service, provided from our lovely Miracle in-stadium attendants, will only be available in the box seats. Upgrades are available for an additional fee...The flight is scheduled to last nine innings. We can't do anything about extra innings or weather-related delays. There is no minimum stay required and the exit gates may not be open just because the game has ended."

Now, you may be reading this and thinking it doesn't sound like a very fun night out. The Miracle, however, operate at a higher lever:

"When the night is over you will realize that your experience at Hammond Stadium is an automatic relief from the stress that is flying these days."

I would like to see this emerge as a new trend in Minor League promotions: theme nights that highlight the indignities of 21st-century American life in order to illustrate how much better it is to be at the ballpark.

May I suggest "Global Conglomerate Customer Service Night", in which all tickets and concessions must be purchased by phoning a call center in India? Or -- for any fellow New York City residents reading this -- how about "G Train Appreciation Night"? Inning breaks would be 20 minutes long, fans would be encouraged to throw their trash on the floor, and the PA announcer would be completely indecipherable.

The possibilities are endless, really, and I shall ponder said possibilities for the duration of the entire weekend. Have a great one, everybody.

I may not be able to post videos on this blog, but I sure can link to them! And I've got a couple of good ones today.

You may have already seen this video of the "amazing ballgirl catch", in which an acrobatic ballgirl makes a spectacular leaping grab of a foul ball hit down the left field line. If you have not yet witnessed this fine display of innate athleticism, check it out immediately:

AMAZING BALL GIRL VIDEO

This video was shot at Chukchansi Park, home of the Ben's Biz Blog-recommended Fresno Grizzlies. It is also, as you may have already guessed, not "real". Rather, it was filmed as part of a nationwide ad campaign which has since been scrapped. This is unfortunate, but at least the video is now getting its 15 minutes of internet fame. Grizzlies Director of Media Relations Paul Kennedy reports that the phone has been ringing off the hook since the video first hit YouTube, and club representatives have been fielding requests from the media to shine some light on the details surrounding the video.

The video features the fine play-by-play calling of Grizzlies radio announcer Doug Greenwald, as well as a cameo from Jake Wald as the left fielder. I was particularly interested in Wald's appearance in the video, as it gives me a chance to mention that he is also 1/2 of "Stache and Hawk". Widely regarded as the World's greatest mock-country duo that sings exclusively about professional baseball, Stache and Hawk were recently featured in a Farm's Almanac feature story on MiLB.com. Check it out, and then pick up the new album on iTunes.

Moving On...This past Friday, the Reading Phillies staged a Spam Carving Competition. Fans were able to purchase a can of Spam for $5, and then were given the opportunity to carve and mold the canned meat product into anything their heart desired. The ace newsteam at WFMZ 69 can fill you in with the rest of the details right here:

READING PHILLIES SPAM CARVING VIDEO

I must admit that this video segment frustrated me, however. Why have a kid explain that his Spam sculpture is "sort of like this kind of cubed thing, like one you would find in an illusion book" if you're not going to show it?

Regardless, congrats to the R-Phils for yet another attention-grabbing promo, and thanks to Director of Communications Rob Hackash for the heads-up.

If anyone among my loyal cadre of readers is aware of any other interesting Minor League videos, then please do not hesitate to get in touch at milbbsuiness@yahoo.com. An example of an interesting Minor League video can be found here.

Considering that the Ben's Biz Blog sphere of coverage encompasses 160 teams and 14 leagues, there is always something to write about. Too much, in fact. Throughout each and every work day, I stumble upon untold numbers of amazing Minor League news items. Such as these:

24: The masochistic and quite possibly insane Brooklyn Cyclones front office recently played baseball for 24 hours in a row. Contrary to popular (read: my) belief, this was not done in honor of agent Jack Bauer. Instead, it was all for charity, and over $15,000 dollars was raised over the course of the staggering 12 straight games that were played. Cyclones Director of Communications Dave Campanaro has a very funny account of the ordeal here.

A Peanut Farmer in Altoona: None other than former president Jimmy Carter attended Tuesday's Altoona Curve game. Here he is at Blair County Ballpark, along with his wife Rosalynn:



Charleston Going to the Dogs: A chance visit to the Charleston RiverDogs' website resulted in me stumbling upon this review of Joseph P. Riley's stunning concession stand creations. There are many incredible hot dogs contained therein, including the Asian Invasion (a hot dog with soy sauce, wasabi, and crunchy chow mein noodles):


(photo credit: Wade Spees, The Post and Courier)

Awesome Video Alert: You may remember Erie's unnamed racing wienies from this post. Click here to see them shilling for Smith's Sausage Shack, to the "tune" of a B-52s parody. For an unrelated but equally awesome video, click here.

Finally: I can't think of a better way to end my blogging week than with this delicacy from the Brevard County Manatees concession stand. It's Taco in A Helmet!


Thanks to Manatees General Manager Kyle Smith for sending this along. Have a great weekend, everybody.

Who would win in a race between a kitten, a flea, and an armadillo?

This question, which has plagued mankind since the beginning of time, is now being answered on a nightly basis at Toledo's Fifth Third Field. Last month, the Mud Hens instituted "Racing With the Stars", which pits three costumed celebrity parodies against one another in an all-out battle for mascot supremacy. Let's take a look at the three competitors, who are all inspired by notable Toledo natives:

  

During the offseason, I spend untold hours combing the promotional calendars of all affiliated Minor League teams. When going through the Lancaster JetHawks' list of 2008 promos, one in particular caught my eye:

July 12th -- Custom Skateboard Giveaway (first 500 kids 16 and younger)

If there has been a more high-end mass giveaway item in the Minor Leagues this season, I sure haven't seen it. JetHawks GM Brad Seymour sent along a photo of the board, which appears below:

 

And while this giveaway is most decidedly "for the kids", the grown-ups in attendance won't be completely left out. Seymour writes:

"We are also giving away nine team-signed skateboards to nine lucky adults who will receive a raffle ticket as they enter the gates. We will give one autographed board away per inning on the night of the giveaway."

The evening will also feature a pre-game "action sports" showcase, during which youngsters will witness firsthand the sort of awesome feats that can be achieved on a skateboard. This will segue into an "inaction sports" showcase, as the JetHawks take on the Inland Empire 66ers in the evening's regularly scheduled contest.

I'm just kidding, baseball. You will always be my favorite of all sports, and you know that I love you.

The latest edition of Promotion Preview is out now! As always, it is 1500 words of pure, unfiltered hilarity (or, at the very least, it is 1500 words).

Nonetheless, this week's column is not all that it could be. I did include a write-up of the Lake Elsinore Storm's "Old School Hip-Hop Night" on Thursday, but new details have come to light that I must now share with my readers.

Regarding the portion of the evening that is specifically related to Old-School Hip-Hop: In

addition to a break dancing competition and a performance by local hip-hop dance team Intramix, the club will debut mascot Thunder's new video for "Baby Got Back." If this video becomes available online, you can rest assured that I will link to it with a stunning quickness.

Then, after the ballgame, the club is hosting the first-ever "Bikini Beach Home Run Derby." This riveting competition is the brainchild of local radio and television celebrity "Poorman", who hosts "Poorman's Bikini Beach TV Show." Here's some info from the press release:

The 'Bikini Beach Home Run Derby' is a two round competition featuring 10 gorgeous girls in bikinis in a 10 pitch double elimination home run hitting battle. It is conducted in a similar fashion as Major League Baseball's 'Home Run Derby' except there are a total of two rounds and there are drawn in fences....  After each home run, there is a home run trot.  At the conclusion of the 'Bikini Beach Home Run Derby', the Awards Ceremony and Pool Party are at The Lake Elsinore Hotel And Casino.

It goes without saying that all of this is happening on a "Thirsty Thursday", when beers will be $1 all game long. With a deal like that, it looks like the "Pourman" is going to be just as busy as the Poorman.

Should I receive any more information about the Bikini Beach Home Run Derby, I will most certainly pass it along to my loyal cadre of readers. Stay tuned.

(Thanks to Storm Director of Game Operations Matt Dompe for the information)

All of two days ago, I did a relatively lengthy post on the Hudson Valley Renegades' new "Chili Davis Wrap". But, my adoring public wanted more, so more I will now give. (Click here -- or just scroll down -- to bring yourself up to speed on this culinary masterpiece).

Joe Ausanio, the creator of this intriguing new concession stand item, was kind enough to respond to my Chili Davis Wrap-related queries.

"It was kind of funny how it all transpired," he wrote. "We were talking how we love chili cheese fries but they are such a mess to eat. I said 'Hey, lets throw it in a wrap and contain it'. Then, of course, the rest was history."

Ausiano was also kind enough to send along a few photos. Here, we see the wrap in an embryonic stage:



Next comes the addition of the titular Chili:

Due to a combination of time constraints and general ignorance, I have neglected many Minor League news stories over the past several months. Today, I turn my attention to one such story:

There are some big doings afoot in Winston-Salem!

First of all, the 2007 campaign will be the club's last at venerable Ernie Shore Field. The 52-year-old facility will be left behind in favor of a new downtown stadium, which is currently being constructed.

And with the new digs will come a new team name! After receiving over 3000 submissions from the Winston-Salem community, the club has narrowed it down to five choices. Let's check them out, shall we?

Aviators
Dash
Racers
Rhinos
Wallbangers

With the exception of "Wallbangers", all of these names have a connection to the history and culture of Winston-Salem. Namely, that time when a rhino pilot won a plane race against hip-hop mogul Damon Dash.

In a shocking departure from the usual Minor League protocol, the club is not pitting these five choices against one another in a fan vote. Rather, "artists renderings of potential logos are being considered, as is input from leading professional mascot consultant and creator of the famed Philly Phanatic Dave Raymond." 

Which leads me to my next, and final point: Wally Warthog's days as the team's mascot are numbered. Hopefully he is taking his built-in obsolescence in stride, because a bitter and rage-filled wild pig is something that no one wants to deal with. Trust me, I've been there.

In a little more than a week, four short-season leagues (New York-Penn, Northwest, Appalachian, and Pioneer) will kick off their 2008 campaigns. For someone who covers the Minors, this is always a great time of year, simply because there is that much more to write about.

Today, I'll get an early start on short-season coverage by directing your attention to a spectacular culinary creation that will be debuting at Hudson Valley's Dutchess Stadium this season: the Chili Davis Wrap.

This intriguing item is a wrap filled with chili and french fries and then smothered with American cheese. It is named after the great Chili Davis -- who hit 350 home runs during a distinguished 19-year career -- and it costs $6.67.

If you are now asking yourself why the Hudson Valley Renegades have named a food item after an individual with no connections to the organization, then I suspect you are not alone. Like greater men have done before me, I now defer to the press release in order to explain this most confusing situation:

The Renegades Director of Food and Beverage Joe Ausanio spent two seasons with the New York Yankees (1994 and '95). During his two years of Major League ball he worked as a set-up man...

Okay, that's pretty interesting. I am wondering where this will go next.

Davis faced off against Ausanio three times throughout his career, accumulating a .667 batting average (2-for-3) with two home runs and a strikeout. Calling Davis' two hits homeruns is a little bit of an understatement; they were rockets that landed a combined 1,000 feet from home plate.

Oh, awesome! Could it be that this menu item was born out of vengeance?

Now it's Ausanio's turn to send Davis to the bleachers. Come out to any home game this season and see if you can do what Ausanio was unable to do ... handle Chili Davis. See if you can handle a hearty helping of chili mixed with some of the best fries this side of the Mississippi drenched in some good old fashion American cheese all held together by a flour tortilla.

Yes, it was! You're not so high and mighty now, are you Chili Davis? How's it feel to have gone from a respected power hitter to a menu item at a Minor League ballpark? Not too good, I bet! And, before I ruminate any further on the stunning transformation of Chili Davis -- what is up with that $6.67 price?

This amazing Renegades signature wrap will be sold at the main concession stand located behind first base for $6.67 (Davis' batting average against Ausanio).

Oh, right. Well, at least they used batting average instead of slugging percentage. A $26.68 menu item would be a little out of my price range.

And, in all seriousness, kudos to the Renegades for offering this simultaneously awesome and hilarious menu item.

One of the strangest and most entertaining coincidences in the Minor Leagues this season is that the tallest and shortest players in all of professional baseball are on the same team.

The players are pitcher Loek Van Mil (7'1") and shortstop Chris Cates (5'3") and the team is the Beloit Snappers. Like a snowball gently tumbling down the side of a mountain, the two have garnered an increasing amount of attention as the season has progressed (including the lead in the inaugural edition of my "Beyond the Box Score" column).

Today, in fact, the duo were featured guests on ESPN's "First Take" morning show. The segment can be viewed here.

Now, no one asked me, but I think the Snappers should commemorate this oddity by scheduling a Chris Cates/Loek Van Mil dual bobblehead giveaway. If they did, I would be happy to grant it prime desk space next to my recently acquired Drag Kings bobbledoll.

And just because I'm a nice guy, I'm going to end this post by providing a link to another video related to the Minor Leagues. It's better not to know what's coming:

Click here.

A key part of my daily routine here at MiLB.com is scanning through press releases in search of interesting Minor League news. It goes without saying that some press releases grab my attention much more than others. Such as this one:

"Erie Needs Help With Wieners"

I had no idea what I was getting myself into upon clicking on this release, so I did so with no small amount of trepidation. Luckily, the first paragraph got right to the point:

We know you have all seen the Smith's Wieners running around Jerry Uht Park, but the poor mascots do not have names...so the Erie SeaWolves organization is asking for our fans help!

If you're like me, you've always longed to play a role in the naming of an anthropomorphic meat product. In this case, the three wieners that will soon be bestowed with a moniker are the Hot Dog, Kielbasa, and Italian Sausage. Fans can submit their suggestions at the SeaWolves website, and the team's staff will then select the 10 best. The fans will then select the three wiener names from these 10 finalists, with the winners being revealed on July 3.

SeaWolves Assistant General Manager Rob Magee sums it all up thusly:

"The Wiener's have been around for so long, but yet they have gone nameless. This is a fun way for us to involve our fans in one of the biggest parts of our show and fan favorite, the 'Smith's Wiener Race.'"

As we all know, there is nothing more frustrating than an unnamed weiner. Kudos to the SeaWolves for taking action to rectify this situation.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

As regular readers of this blog are aware, the Midwest League's Quad Cities franchise has instituted a relentless barrage of changes and improvements since the end of the 2007 campaign (for more info, read this article).

We are now two months into the season, and the club's newfound mania for self-improvement has continued unabated. Witness Modern Woodmen Park's brand-new Tiki Village:



Groups of 10-30 people also have the option of renting out the Hot Tub Deck. This is the sort of sports viewing experience that had previously only been available to old-money dowagers and Saudi princes:



But the very best place of all to watch the game is the Tiki Bed. Designed for "cozy" groups of six or less, this king-sized bed comes equipped with comfortable pillows and a private wait staff. A "couples package" is also available, featuring champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, and a candlelight dinner. Enjoy, guys!

Any person with a proactive and positive disposition will tell you "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

This theoretical individual would be trafficking in a well-worn cliche by telling you this, but so what? Cliches become cliches because they often convey universal truths in an easy to remember manner.

And very few entities are as good at "making lemonade" as Minor League Baseball clubs, who are always on the lookout for ways to turn negative situations into positives. A recent example of this is the glut of teams who have crafted promotions that are tied into the exorbitant price of gasoline.

One of the latest to do so are the always innovative Fort Myers Miracle, who have once again gone the proverbial "extra mile" with this promotional endeavor.

The basic gist of the Miracle's "Cheaper By the Gallon" promotion is that, every Monday, the lowest price for a gallon of unleaded gasoline offered in South Fort Myers will equal the cost of a box seat ticket for that night's game.

But it just keeps going from there. Paragraph six of the press release states:

"The Miracle's goal to "fuel up" the local economy will also include gallon giveaways. Fans will have the chance to win anything from a gallon of water to a gallon of sour cream. Anything that comes in a gallon is fair game for a "Cheaper by the Gallon" Monday giveaway."

From paragraph seven:

"Monday patrons will also benefit with a discount on popular items from the grill -- hamburgers, cheeseburgers, bratwursts and chicken sandwiches. The same price for a gallon of gasoline is the same reduced price for these ballpark favorites."

Number nine:

"Since there are four quarts in a gallon, if there are four people in your vehicle when you arrive at Hammond Stadium, your parking is free on Monday nights."

And, finally, number 10:

"Every fan who attends a Monday night game will be entered into a drawing to receive a pass for free gas, courtesy of the Miracle."

So, there you go. Round up three friends and head over to Fort Myers' Hammond Stadium on Monday. The ticket will be cheap, parking will be free, and by the end of the evening you might be the proud owner of a gallon of sour cream. What more do you need?

Lemonade has been served.

The Stockton Ports staged "Canadian Tuxedo Night" last Thursday, a game-long celebration of the questionable fashion sense of our neighbors to the north.

So just what is a Canadian Tuxedo, you ask? Instead of answering that reasonable query, I defer to the ace news team at Sacramento's ABC television affiliate: click here.

Yes, folks -- this celebration of the "Jean on Jean Offense" received coverage on the local news. Thanks to Ports' Assistant Manager Luke Reiff for sending along the video clip, as well as the following photo:

Usually I am wary of invoking tired cliches in my blog post titles, but in this case I couldn't resist. So now, in lieu of an additional 900+ words on the Reading Phillies recent "Yo! Pimp My Ride Clunker Car Giveaway", I present to you the following snapshot: