Results tagged ‘ Fifth Third Burger ’

West Michigan Plunges To New Heights

As befits a team bearing the name “Whitecaps”, West Michigan has been
riding an unbelievable wave of publicity over the past several weeks.
Their Fifth Third Burger continues to be an object of nationwide —
nay, worldwide — fascination, to the point where opportunistic public
interest groups are generating national press simply by challenging its right to

But the Whitecaps have moved on. To this:

plunger.jpgIf you just thought to yourself, “Wow, that’s a 40-foot plunger located in left-center field of West Michigan’s Fifth Third Park!”, then I congratulate your remarkable ability to estimate an object’s height, location, and purpose. From the press release:

“The Penning Plumbing Plunger will help fans celebrate key moments during games. Located in left center field, the Penning Plumbing Plunger will move up and down and shoot water into the air after Whitecaps’ pitchers “flush away” the opposing team with inning-ending strikeouts.

“The concept was born from the challenge of coming up with creative ideas for Penning Plumbing,” said Whitecaps Vice President of Sales Steve McCarthy. “We had our hearts set on a giant plunger and even experimented with attaching one to the foul poles but the wind created stability issues. This is a much better solution.”

So…on behalf of lazy comedians everywhere, let me make the following observation:

That plunger is going to come in pretty handy this season, given that the Fifth Third Field stands are going to be filled with people attempting to eat a 1.6 pound burger!


Time for me to make a hasty retreat. As I do so, please distract yourself with this video of the plunger in action

Giving the Masses What They Crave

lobbyists.jpgI am pleased to announce that today has been, by far, the greatest day in the history of Ben’s Biz Blog.

As of this writing (6:33 p.m. EST), over 11,000 unique visitors have stopped by and had a look, and I sincerely hope that at least a few of these individuals become repeat “customers”. The reason for this dramatic uptick is my recent post on West Michigan’s mammoth 1.6 pound hamburger. CNBC’s Darren Rovell picked up the story and was kind enough to give me a “shout out”, and since then the post has been linked to by a dizzying array of blogs and message boards.

I have thought long and hard about how to capitalize on my fleeting, jumbo burger-related “fame”, and here’s the plan that I have come up with:

1. Give the people (more of) what they want.
2. Follow up by giving the people something they didn’t even know that they wanted.

Part Two is coming tomorrow, and it’s a doozy. But, for now, I will simply display the holy trinity of Minor League concession items. (Yes, this is gratuitous, and yes, I am pandering).

#1: The Taco in a Helmet (Brevard County Manatees)

I use this image as part of my daily meditation practices, concentrating on it in order to give myself access to deep inner mental states. This is not a joke.

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Taco In A Helmet-thumb-450x587.jpg 
#2 The Homewrecker Hot Dog (Charleston RiverDogs)

This is to a normal hot dog what a normal hot dog is to one those little pig-in-a-blanket mini-weiners. I did the math.

Thumbnail image for Homewrecker Hot Dog.jpg

#3 Fifth Third Burger (West Michigan Whitecaps)

Whether it’s a concession stand item or a double-overtime hockey game, five thirds is always a lot.

Thumbnail image for Fifth Third Burger.JPG

Once again: tomorrow’s post is going to be a good one, so please check back. And, please, get in touch at any time about anything. Reader correspondence is absolutely crucial to this operation.

1.66666667 Pounds

Whitecaps Primary.JPGThe idea of paying $20 for a hamburger at a Minor League ballpark seems a bit absurd, don’t you think? In this economy, fans are looking for value above all else. No one seems particularly anxious to indulge themselves, unless they have recently awakened from a decade-long coma.

But context is everything. The West Michigan Whitecaps recently announced their new concession items for 2009, and this list is indeed highlighted by a $20 hamburger. Believe it or not, this burger is actually a good value: it weighs 5/3rds of a pound, and can feed a family of four!

The “Fifth Third Burger” (so-called because the Whitecaps play in Fifth Third Ballpark) is 5/3 pounds of grilled hamburger topped with lettuce, tomato, nacho cheese, chili, salsa and crunched tortilla chips. Saddled with the heroic task of holding it all together is an eight-inch sesame seed bun.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The picture:

Fifth Third Burger.JPG 
(Thanks to Whitecaps promotions manager Brian Oropallo for sending this along)

In closing, I would like to ask the following question: If your life depended on it, would you rather eat the Fifth Third Burger, or the Homewrecker Hot Dog? Think hard, and choose wisely.

Update, 3/25: This post has received an absurd amount of attention over the past several days, and it is now time to move on to the next Minor League innovation. Click HERE. You will not be disappointed.