Announcing the Designated Eaters of 2018
Three weeks ago, I put out a call: Designated Eaters were needed at 17 of the ballpark locations that I will be visiting this season.
This post contains the names of the Designated Eaters who were chosen.
Designated Eaters, of course, are the individuals tasked with eating the ballpark cuisine that my gluten-free diet prohibits.
The criteria was simple. In summary: Send me an email stating where you’d like to be a Designated Eater, and why.
I got dozens of responses from aspiring Designated Eaters all over the country. As detailed in Thursday’s Twitter thread, here are some choice quotes:
When guests come to my house for dinner, even on formal occasions, dessert is a self-serve helmet sundae bar.
No less than 17 people have told me what a wonderfully satirical, sometimes-dry, always acerbic, and forever contemporary sense of humor I possess.
I’m willing to eat anything that’s normal but if it’s too weird, I have my own designated eater in my wife who will literally eat anything.
If selected, I would watch at least one episode of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives in preparation.
I had my gallbladder removed in January, which cut down on my fat intake for about a month and can be used for any joke.
Spicy foods? Love em. Expired foods? I’m in. Raw food? Yep. Big food? Is there any other kind?!
Let me know if you need me and I’ll be there with my eating pants on! (And they will be on…I’ve been warned. Stupid rules.)
I am your Pork Roll man, thick or thin.
I lived through the Black Death and had a pretty good time doing that.
I am very willing to make a fool of myself for the world to see, and I believe I am greatly skilled at doing so.
I learned from the aforementioned burrito adversity and grew from my failures.
Regardless of you picking some other knuckleheads, we can meet up and talk about how good Ween is if you want to.
I realize that, at this juncture, those who applied for a Designated Eater slot are impatiently scrolling down through this unwieldy post in order to get to this year’s list. There’s one last thing I’d like to say, however:
It was very difficult for me to choose 2018 Designated Eaters, particularly in locales including (but not limited to) Lehigh Valley, Trenton, Lake County, Toledo and Colorado Springs. I wish I could choose you all.
If you were not chosen, I hope that there are no hard feelings and I hope to see you at the ballpark!
2018 Designated Eaters
5/4: Delmarva Shorebirds
Designated Eater: Atticus Rice
5/5: Bowie Baysox
Designated Eater: Jason Tritle
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5/10: Harrisburg Senators
Designated Eater: Chris Fickes
5/11: Lakewood BlueClaws
Designated Eater: Tom Baxter
5/12: Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Designated Eater: Justin Choate
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5/18: Trenton Thunder
Designated Eater: Jim Weigand
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6/14: Lake County Captains
Designated Eater: Stacy Hannan
6/16: Toledo Mud Hens
Designated Eater: Tim Fletcher
6/17: Fort Wayne TinCaps
Designated Eater: Andrew Grimm
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7/13: Florida Fire Frogs
Designated Eater: Lynn Smith
7/14: Daytona Tortugas
Designated Eater: Adly Santiago
7/15: Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
Designated Eater: Emily and Glen Wieger
7/16: Augusta GreenJackets
Designated Eater: Philip Rabon
7/20: Johnson City Cardinals
Designated Eater: Patrick Spence
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8/20: State College Spikes
Designated Eater: Philip Anderson
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9/2: Colorado Springs Sky Sox
Designated Eater: Zeke Perez
9/4: Grand Junction Rockies
Designated Eater: Liana Louie
Thanks again to all who applied. I truly appreciate the enthusiasm (and, in many cases, humor) displayed by everyone. As noted in the original post, Designated Eaters for Brooklyn, Staten Island and potentially other locations will be announced at a later date.
benjamin.hill@mlb.com
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