Sensible Dining Options Courtesy of the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Do you like baseball? Do you like healthy and sensibly-portioned Minor League Baseball food offerings? Then you’ll what love the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers have been up to recently. The Rattlers, based in the fine city of Appleton, are really on a roll.
Last week, executive chef Tim Hansen (what, don’t all Class A baseball teams have executive chefs?) announced two additions to the team’s lineup of assuredly gargantuan and borderline Brobdingnagian sandwiches. Here’s a photo of Tim, taken during my 2013 visit to Appleton. All acclaim and approbation should be directed toward him. I’m just the messenger.
This is the Grilled Cheese Venom Cheeseburger. An entire grilled cheese sandwich is utilized as both the top and bottom bun; the “venom” in question is Sriacha sauce (which is surely more potent than the venom routinely emitted by ineffectual Timber Rattlers “evil mascot” Gnaf T. Rattler).
Hansen, whose creations will make you go “MMMBurp”, also unveiled the “Meatlover’s Pizza Burger.”
Pizza, topped with sausage, pepperoni and bacon, is used as the bun. Upon consuming it, self-loathing is optional.
The above two items are already on the menu. But, of course, there will be more. On Tuesday, the Timber Rattlers announced that their 2016 “Food Fight” is down to five finalists.
Using my vast network of journalistic connections, I was able to obtain visual accompaniments for all five items (all of which were fan submitted).
All photos were taken by Timber Rattlers creative director Ann Mollica, who, in 2013, obtained legendary status after snapping a photo of the ultra-elusive and until then apocryphal Whitewall Ninja. All food descriptions are courtesy of a press release disseminated by Timber Rattlers announcer Chris Mehring, who in 2013 reaffirmed his legendary status after dropping an apropos Sledgehammer reference at the close of an interview.
The Cheesehead: A juicy quarter pound burger topped with crispy bacon, mac n cheese and melted smoked cheddar served on a freshly baked split-top bun.
Glazed Donut Burger: A traditional glazed donut is grilled, giving off a sweet aroma of sugar and adding a juicy quarter pound burger, crispy bacon, onions, fresh lettuce and Wisconsin-made cheddar make this a burger to remember.
Grilled Cheese Chicken Sandwich: This sandwich places golden brown chicken tenders and crispy bacon between melted American cheese and grilled to perfection. It also comes with lettuce, tomato and onion and is served with a side of Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce.
Loaded Tater Tot Nachos: Don’t let the word ‘nachos’ deceive you. These tater tots combine everything you would expect. Golden brown tater tots and combining them with warm taco beef, nacho cheese, shredded Wisconsin cheddar, lettuce, tomato, onion and jalapeno’s. [sic]
Pork Donut: Using a Bismarck donut as a bun, this item is filled with pulled pork allowing the sweet and salty flavors to come alive and is served with a side of house-made coleslaw.
For the record, the man who submitted the above item into the Food Fight contest is named “Art Creation James.”
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And that’s all I’ve got for you today. Stay tuned for another post tomorrow, when I will resume being the greatest Minor League Baseball blogger of all time.
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benjamin.hill@mlb.com
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